Back to work, damnit
And back to conference calls from hell. I’m trying to decide how to approach my current situation. Shall I just keep showing up and go through the motions of being engaged in a project I could care less about, or do I say something to my manager? And if I said something, would he even care?
To pick apart this problem logically, and remembering that the definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results… well, here’s the scenario.
I’ve worked for this current agency for almost 4 years and in those 4 years I have rarely felt supported or mentored on a personal level by my boss. I’m not sure why this would be any different now.
On the other hand, I’ve learned a great deal and I’ve been handed responsibilities which have challenged me personally and professionally. So, maybe that is what I should embrace as mentoring. Kind of the trial by fire mentoring so many of us go through.
This is in no way meant to demonize my boss. I know that he is under alot of pressure to get things done and he relies on his staff, and especially his upper level staff, to help him accomplish these goals. He has trusted me with a high level of responsibility and I appreciate that on a personal level. I appreciate the opportunity I’ve been given to take a leadership role and guide teams.
So, why am I feeling so un-engaged? It occurs to me now after thinking this out loud, so to speak, here… that this is much more complicated. Maybe if I list it out.
1. Reorganization, no dedicated staff.
2. Reorganization, no dedicated staff (oh, sorry, I already mentioned that).
3. No one asked me (not sure why this should be important, though).
4. Huge bureaucracy overhead. Maybe I’d be happier working in a smaller organization.
5. No one to talk to about my career goals and where I’m headed in the organization. This is why I am leaving at my first possible opportunity.
As far as #5 goes, maybe I just haven’t been brave enough to talk to my boss. Oh, wait, I’ve done that and he hasn’t responded. But which boss? I’ve had 3 new managers in the last year. This past year I never got an evaluation, even though I initiated the conversation about it.
Ok, well, I’ve gotten all that off my chest. On the positive side, I still know how to solve technical issues and every now and then get to, I think I’m respected by my team and I get paid pretty well.
So, for now, I’ll continue to show up.
